It's the first full day back at classes since Spring Break...UGH! While my day started with a cancelled class which is typical in the life of Ashley (just ask my hall director), it quickly became apparent that the day would drag on. This cough persists and while I don't mind that I'm getting better, I do mind that I have to hack up a lung every ten minutes (beats the ten seconds from Friday night though)!
To top it all off...there is this thing called an exam tomorrow morning that I need to be studying for. While I have some of the stuff down, other parts tend to escape me but I am just hoping that by the time I sit down for the test, all the information will magically come to the forefront of my brain and make it onto the paper. Who knows...it could happen. Of course, I knew about this exam before break so if you think about it, this is all old business that is just now starting to come to the foreground. Or as Gestalt therapists would say, it's unfinished business that needs to be confronted and resolved if I am to move on to focus on the present or the now (just a hint of what that test is gonna be about) :)
Then I decided today to try something new. There was this thing called a Seder Meal going on at the Sacred Heart Convent here at school (yup I'm at a catholic college). It's a Jewish meal and I signed up to go and try the food. Kiska (probably misspelled) was great! The deserts were chocolatey and the chicken soup had me smelling out of my nose for the first time in days! Then there was the horseradish! One of the nuns started to talk about how she loved the stuff and I thought okay maybe it won't be so bad...WRONG! I could barely bring myself to finish chewing! Then there was chopped liver. I've always told myself I hate liver but of course I had never actually tried it so how could I know for sure. Now I know: I DO HATE LIVER! But it wasn't as bad as the horseradish :)
So while the day started out with me sleeping in after ignoring my alarm clock. It ended with these blends of tastes in my mouth that I washed out with a cough drop to stop my coughing fits even if for a short time. So...when you go to college, try not to get sick right before a test, study at least a week in advance or you won't be able to take anything in, and try new things. While you may find that you don't like the taste of liver or horseradish, you may find that you love the bread pudding and the chocolate desert at the end.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Sick as a Dog, Giddy as a Schoolgirl
While the temperature I had has disappeared this cold persists. I feel as if I'm wearing a nose clip that is making it difficult to breathe normally. My voice has that tone you get when you have a stuffed up nose and food has no taste.
Just last night I was up all night with fits of sneezing and coughing and the inability to breathe through my nose and when I tried to breathe through the mouth the sneezing began. It was a battle of cold versus mind and unfortunately the cold won with a whopping no hours of sleep til 9am this morning when I won over 4 hours of sleep! Yup an amazingly short 4 hours and while I feel awake my body feels like crap.
So I guess you could say I am still sick as a dog! But what does that really mean anyways? How can you be sick as a dog if that dog is healthy? why not sick as a cat? I mean who really likes cats anyways? It's not like they can go for walks with you and have a fun time playing tug of war!!!
And yet, as I sit here feeling crappy during my last full day of spring break before I'm back at the mount ready for the last stretch of the semester I can't help but feel giddy! Why is that you may ask?
Well, to tell the truth, I feel at home when I'm there on that mount! The girls on my floor are some of the most amazingly mature and beautiful young women an RA could ask to have on one floor. I miss my family of college women who make me smile each morning I wake up. That is why you could say I am giddy as a schoolgirl. I get to see my other half of the A-Team (a coined nickname for me and one of my besties) and I get to see Libby (lemondrop) who is, and will always be like family to me! That girl completes me even if she doesn't always know it or feel appreciated, she is one of those forces in my life that holds me up and keeps me moving each day!
And of course, it is near the end of the semester where I get to finish up all those exams and papers and just pray for passing grades before I move on to the final year of college and to the next beginning of a new trail of life.
It's only March, but any college student can tell you that as soon as Spring break is over, there is only a short sprint left til the end of the year. And while the family we have at school will be missed suring those summer months, there is always that giddiness one feels as the next year approaches.
That said, I may be sick as a dog, but I am definitely giddy as a schoolgirl as well.
Just last night I was up all night with fits of sneezing and coughing and the inability to breathe through my nose and when I tried to breathe through the mouth the sneezing began. It was a battle of cold versus mind and unfortunately the cold won with a whopping no hours of sleep til 9am this morning when I won over 4 hours of sleep! Yup an amazingly short 4 hours and while I feel awake my body feels like crap.
So I guess you could say I am still sick as a dog! But what does that really mean anyways? How can you be sick as a dog if that dog is healthy? why not sick as a cat? I mean who really likes cats anyways? It's not like they can go for walks with you and have a fun time playing tug of war!!!
And yet, as I sit here feeling crappy during my last full day of spring break before I'm back at the mount ready for the last stretch of the semester I can't help but feel giddy! Why is that you may ask?
Well, to tell the truth, I feel at home when I'm there on that mount! The girls on my floor are some of the most amazingly mature and beautiful young women an RA could ask to have on one floor. I miss my family of college women who make me smile each morning I wake up. That is why you could say I am giddy as a schoolgirl. I get to see my other half of the A-Team (a coined nickname for me and one of my besties) and I get to see Libby (lemondrop) who is, and will always be like family to me! That girl completes me even if she doesn't always know it or feel appreciated, she is one of those forces in my life that holds me up and keeps me moving each day!
And of course, it is near the end of the semester where I get to finish up all those exams and papers and just pray for passing grades before I move on to the final year of college and to the next beginning of a new trail of life.
It's only March, but any college student can tell you that as soon as Spring break is over, there is only a short sprint left til the end of the year. And while the family we have at school will be missed suring those summer months, there is always that giddiness one feels as the next year approaches.
That said, I may be sick as a dog, but I am definitely giddy as a schoolgirl as well.
Friday, March 26, 2010
Sunny Beach Somewhere...I WISH!!!
So it's almost the end of my third spring break since starting college. Like most who've seen the movies and heard the stories, I believed spring break would be a time of relaxation and fun when I was a feshmen. While some individuals I know do travel during their spring breaks, many do so for sports or for service projects. I have yet to hear of someone going on the infamous MTV spring break you see on TV where everyone is partying it up and getting drunk. But honestly, who really wants to spend an entire week wasted and unable to remember half of what goes on?
To me, spring break this year meant time spent working at the daycare here at home where I learned that there are no full-time positions open this summer but "you can work up to 20 hours a week." This of course damaged my plans for the summer because now I will need to figure out a second job to pick up this summer so that I can save up for a car!
Spring break also meant time to work on homework. Homework? Yeah that's right! College professors love to give you homework over the break simply because I believe they don't think you should be able to enjoy yourselves because many of them will be grading. It's not our faults that they schedule exams right before break so that they will be bogged down with grading!
And to top it all off...I had to spend one day sick meaning I missed out on making money at the daycare and spent the entire day hoping and praying that I wouldn't be sick the next day.
And here I am. Two days away from being back at school and just now sitting down to start on studying for one test and working on another take home exam along with hours spent working on an art project that isn't even half done.
This is what college is about! No such thing as spring BREAK...just a break from being on campus and time spent doing homework in your living room with basketball games for March Madness playing in the background!
To me, spring break this year meant time spent working at the daycare here at home where I learned that there are no full-time positions open this summer but "you can work up to 20 hours a week." This of course damaged my plans for the summer because now I will need to figure out a second job to pick up this summer so that I can save up for a car!
Spring break also meant time to work on homework. Homework? Yeah that's right! College professors love to give you homework over the break simply because I believe they don't think you should be able to enjoy yourselves because many of them will be grading. It's not our faults that they schedule exams right before break so that they will be bogged down with grading!
And to top it all off...I had to spend one day sick meaning I missed out on making money at the daycare and spent the entire day hoping and praying that I wouldn't be sick the next day.
And here I am. Two days away from being back at school and just now sitting down to start on studying for one test and working on another take home exam along with hours spent working on an art project that isn't even half done.
This is what college is about! No such thing as spring BREAK...just a break from being on campus and time spent doing homework in your living room with basketball games for March Madness playing in the background!
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Safe Haven
Opening her eyes in the darkness of her safe haven. Fear envelops her. If someone were to look in all they would see were the whites of hr eyes. She is unsure of why she has woken so suddenly. A loud clap of thunder startles her and she jumps from the bed. The lightning brings light into the dark abyss of her bedroom. That sound. That light. It reminds her of a time in her childhood...
******************************************************
The thunder wakes her. Instanty she is filled with fear. She decides to seek refuge in her parent's bedroom. Their arms are her safe haven at the tender age of five. She makes her way down the hall on a mission to find safety. Hesitating, she touches the door, unsure of what has made her stop. With as much might as a half sleeping child of five can muster, she pushes the door open.
Lightning strikes and illuminates the sleeping figures. Rubbing her eyes, she makes sure her eyes aren't playing tricks on her. Sh would have thought she were in the wrong house. The wrong room. If it hadn't been for the fact that one of the figures was her mother. Who was this man and why did he have his arms around her mother?
It wasn't until years later that the concept of cheating and all it's different meanings would be introduced to her.
***********************************************
Cheating. That one word alone takes her back to her sophomore year of high school. The people pleaser became a hypocrite that year. The fact that so many people cheated on tests had taken its toll. Now she sat there minutes before a world history map test making herself a cheat sheet to hide from her teacher.
The adrenaline fills her as she enters the room. She becomes unsure of herself. Is this the right thing to do? She sees others with their little sheets tucked away where only they can see and is convinced that it will be alright.
She continues at this attmept to succeed at passing this test. She doesn't see her teacher making his way towards her. When he asks for the sheet tucked beneath her leg all she can think is that she should point out others doing the exact same thing. Instead, she bites her tongue and keeps what dignity she has left and hands him the only thing that would have helped her pass that test.
The fact that she is such a people pleaser comes back the minute she leaves that enclosed room. She makes her way to the bathroom. Overcome with emotion, she realizes she did the one thing she promised herself she would never do. The tears begin to fall as she locks herself in the bathroom stall. That was the first and last time she attempted to cheat.
******************************************************************
That wasn't the first time she had sought refuge in a bathroom. By her sophomore year she had perfected the ability to cry without being heard while hiding away in those bathroom stalls. Those stalls became her safe haven when she wasn't at home.
It sarted her freshman year around the same time that she stopped eating. When everyone else went to lunch in the cafeteria, she found refuge in an empty classroom. Then it turned into a bathroom stall. Her safe haven is where she could let her emotions out. That bathroom became the place where her tears had been shed. Locked in that small cubicle, leaning against the thin wall that separated her from whoever happened to be in the next stall, separated from the real world for a short time. Whenever she felt the urge to eat, she locked herself in safety.
The day she found out her best friend ran away from home she sought refuge in a bathroom stall at church. The day her dad could have been killed in a car accident, it was her bathroom at home. Then her senior year came around. The woman who had been like a mother to her was in and out of the hospital. There weren't enough bathroom stalls in that school for this seventeen year old girl to hide away her emotions in. She thought she could let everything out without having to open up to others. That last year of high school, it spilled over to her real life and she stepped out of that bathroom stall to begin to search for a new safe haven: HOME.
*****************************************
A safe haven. Everyone needs one and hers was taken away when she moved to college. Now as she sits here listening to the thunder outside, she wishes she were back at home where she had always felt safe. The only safe haven she has in college is the corner of the library where her feelings spill over into the notebooks she keeps in her bag. She cannot cry because no one here knows her or who she used to be.
As she remembers her old safe havens, she snuggles up under the covers, cuddles with her teddy bear, and closes her eyes. Hoping that the thunder will stop and her mind will stop racing. Then and only then, can she truly feel safe.
******************************************************
The thunder wakes her. Instanty she is filled with fear. She decides to seek refuge in her parent's bedroom. Their arms are her safe haven at the tender age of five. She makes her way down the hall on a mission to find safety. Hesitating, she touches the door, unsure of what has made her stop. With as much might as a half sleeping child of five can muster, she pushes the door open.
Lightning strikes and illuminates the sleeping figures. Rubbing her eyes, she makes sure her eyes aren't playing tricks on her. Sh would have thought she were in the wrong house. The wrong room. If it hadn't been for the fact that one of the figures was her mother. Who was this man and why did he have his arms around her mother?
It wasn't until years later that the concept of cheating and all it's different meanings would be introduced to her.
***********************************************
Cheating. That one word alone takes her back to her sophomore year of high school. The people pleaser became a hypocrite that year. The fact that so many people cheated on tests had taken its toll. Now she sat there minutes before a world history map test making herself a cheat sheet to hide from her teacher.
The adrenaline fills her as she enters the room. She becomes unsure of herself. Is this the right thing to do? She sees others with their little sheets tucked away where only they can see and is convinced that it will be alright.
She continues at this attmept to succeed at passing this test. She doesn't see her teacher making his way towards her. When he asks for the sheet tucked beneath her leg all she can think is that she should point out others doing the exact same thing. Instead, she bites her tongue and keeps what dignity she has left and hands him the only thing that would have helped her pass that test.
The fact that she is such a people pleaser comes back the minute she leaves that enclosed room. She makes her way to the bathroom. Overcome with emotion, she realizes she did the one thing she promised herself she would never do. The tears begin to fall as she locks herself in the bathroom stall. That was the first and last time she attempted to cheat.
******************************************************************
That wasn't the first time she had sought refuge in a bathroom. By her sophomore year she had perfected the ability to cry without being heard while hiding away in those bathroom stalls. Those stalls became her safe haven when she wasn't at home.
It sarted her freshman year around the same time that she stopped eating. When everyone else went to lunch in the cafeteria, she found refuge in an empty classroom. Then it turned into a bathroom stall. Her safe haven is where she could let her emotions out. That bathroom became the place where her tears had been shed. Locked in that small cubicle, leaning against the thin wall that separated her from whoever happened to be in the next stall, separated from the real world for a short time. Whenever she felt the urge to eat, she locked herself in safety.
The day she found out her best friend ran away from home she sought refuge in a bathroom stall at church. The day her dad could have been killed in a car accident, it was her bathroom at home. Then her senior year came around. The woman who had been like a mother to her was in and out of the hospital. There weren't enough bathroom stalls in that school for this seventeen year old girl to hide away her emotions in. She thought she could let everything out without having to open up to others. That last year of high school, it spilled over to her real life and she stepped out of that bathroom stall to begin to search for a new safe haven: HOME.
*****************************************
A safe haven. Everyone needs one and hers was taken away when she moved to college. Now as she sits here listening to the thunder outside, she wishes she were back at home where she had always felt safe. The only safe haven she has in college is the corner of the library where her feelings spill over into the notebooks she keeps in her bag. She cannot cry because no one here knows her or who she used to be.
As she remembers her old safe havens, she snuggles up under the covers, cuddles with her teddy bear, and closes her eyes. Hoping that the thunder will stop and her mind will stop racing. Then and only then, can she truly feel safe.
Adventures of a Daycare Worker
I worked at a daycare over the summer. It was hectic, intense, and absolutely the best experience of my life so far . Work was something I looked forward to for the pure fact that I would be working with so many children who are so innocent and unaware of the reality of the world. You know what I'm talking about! They still have the imagination that we all miss. They don't question the world and most of them have yet to figure out that there are many things wrong with the world. But the best part is that they are blunt! They speak their minds and are so very raw in their thinking because they haven't been taught to hold your tongue and speak around the truth to protect others feelings! I dread the day when those children grow up and forget about all the different "adventures" they had when playing on the playground.
It's the things that kids say that made each day unique. It's so true that kids say the darndest things...but they also believe anything as well. Though I won't go into detail about the circumstances before these things were said I just have to share some of the cutest things that I have heard from kids at work...so here goes
1. "Your name is not Ashley! It's never been Ashley! Your name has to be Sara!" (said by a six year old girl)
2. "He hurted my feelings!" (2 yr old boy)... "Do you know what feelings are?" (me)... "No. He hurted them!" (2 yr old)
3. "You can't go home. You have to go home with me! You're my new mommy." (6 yr old)
4. "I have a pocket. Do you have a pocket? I have a pocket." (2 year old boy)
This is the point where we tell him that he lost his pocket so he stops dead in his tracks and starts searching the ground around him for it!
5. "I'm never gonna smoke or drink! That's just wrong." (9 yr old boy)
6. "I love ghost hunters! They really do look for ghosts you know!" (same 9 year old boy again)
It's been a while since I've worked since I've gotten back to school and back into the stress of classes and lectures. However, I know that when I do go back from time to time I am guaranteed new experiences and great things said by the children I have come to love so much. They are what our future holds and I look forward to hearing the things that they say and believe with each new day.
It's the things that kids say that made each day unique. It's so true that kids say the darndest things...but they also believe anything as well. Though I won't go into detail about the circumstances before these things were said I just have to share some of the cutest things that I have heard from kids at work...so here goes
1. "Your name is not Ashley! It's never been Ashley! Your name has to be Sara!" (said by a six year old girl)
2. "He hurted my feelings!" (2 yr old boy)... "Do you know what feelings are?" (me)... "No. He hurted them!" (2 yr old)
3. "You can't go home. You have to go home with me! You're my new mommy." (6 yr old)
4. "I have a pocket. Do you have a pocket? I have a pocket." (2 year old boy)
This is the point where we tell him that he lost his pocket so he stops dead in his tracks and starts searching the ground around him for it!
5. "I'm never gonna smoke or drink! That's just wrong." (9 yr old boy)
6. "I love ghost hunters! They really do look for ghosts you know!" (same 9 year old boy again)
It's been a while since I've worked since I've gotten back to school and back into the stress of classes and lectures. However, I know that when I do go back from time to time I am guaranteed new experiences and great things said by the children I have come to love so much. They are what our future holds and I look forward to hearing the things that they say and believe with each new day.
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